Really fucking useless

Reading through my goals for 2018 below, I am not exactly on the a good trajectory. In other words I have been really fucking useless.  It was after I came across this blog post that I decided to get my ass in gear. So as I sit here with a glass of wine and some chocolate i’m finally getting around to doing blog post number 3 out of the 20 I want to do before year close.

I’m feeling kinda funny the last few days. I just finished a novel, which is a strange occurrence in itself given I have exclusively read non-fiction for the last few years. The novel was Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. It’s essentially a love story but the way he wrote really resonated. After reading the book one night, I had very vivid dream where I was having sex with a guy that I have a huge crush on.. but in the dream the emotions where so intense; I would go as far to say I was in love with him.

Now this is strange for me as it’s been so long since I felt a romantic love for someone that I was doubting my own memories of ever being in love and even the idea of love itself. But after that dream (three days ago now) I can still bring up the feelings and it’s again letting me believe there is a little more magic in the world than I’ve been accustomed to thinking recently. So thanks I guess Murakami.

In terms of the guy I had the dream about, I don’t imagine there will any love story on that front. I have embarrassed myself too many times in my behavior around him. We also now live about a 25 hour flight from each other. Not to mention the bittersweet final communication between us which I still can’t understand. So the guy was on holidays and we had messaged a bit, then he asked if when he got back I would like to go for a drink with him. I was over the moon with this and thought it would finally be the opportunity to show him my best side..so I said yes and asked some stupid follow up question about his holiday. In response to this he blocked me on the platform we were messaging over and I haven’t heard anything in over a year. So yea. Peace out.

Get in touch with me at michael@stoicjournal.com or drop a comment below.

2 thoughts on “Really fucking useless”

  1. Read through your post, want to share something you already know.

    Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. – Epictetus

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